


Museums of Fear

by Komorebi_in_rivers



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Feels, High School, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru Fluff, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, POV Iwaizumi Hajime, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:01:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25734754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Komorebi_in_rivers/pseuds/Komorebi_in_rivers
Summary: Iwaizumi Hajime is a simple teenager. He has school, volleyball and an unrequited love on his best friend. Ultimately, he weaves philosophies and poetry about love and what not.3 weeks before they head out to college and he’s still standing still in fear. Never advancing. Never reaching.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 1
Kudos: 40





	Museums of Fear

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to 夏の幻 Natsu no maboroshi by Omoinotake then bam! Being able to breathe freely while you’re not so silently suffering from unrequited love is born!  
> Trust me, I have personal experience on this matter. Oh well.
> 
> Warning? Some swear words, I guess.  
> Iwaoi rule the court and rule the world, bae-bi!

Love is just a concept, someone says.  
Love is not meant for the faint hearted, someone else warns.

Love is the answer to all the problems, a smug sounding voice says.  
Love is the ultimate sacrifice, a gentle voice murmurs.  
Love is sometimes as easy as breathing, another one chirps in.

Love is the heaviest burden on earth, a gravel voice whispers.

_Then what exactly_ , Iwaizumi Hajime asks himself, _is love supposed to be?_

Nobody answers this time.

* * *

_I used to build dreams about you._

_— F.Scott Firtzgerald —_

* * *

Iwaizumi Hajime is just a simple teenager.

He goes to high school. He plays volleyball pretty well. His favorite food is Agedashi tofu and he’s in love with his best friend since childhood.

Life is totally simple as fuck.

But even a simple guy like him wonders about complicated things.Things like going to nationals in his last year of high school and his near future and college and his miserable nonexistent love life.

  
But most of the time he just breathes.  
If he breathes it means he’s alive and he’s still in love.

Because love hurts some days.

Love hurts with a shit load of pain when he was extremely confused about his feelings and those were the darkest months of his life.  
Love hurts somehow easier now with his acknowledgement ever since he admitted (at least to himself) that he was in love with the one and only Oikawa Tooru.  
Love hurts a lot whenever he sees a girl or more clinging to Oikawa or his jackets sleeves or his arms.

Love hurts a bit less when he sees Oikawa rejecting in a typical less than polite yet acceptable way to the fourth girl who confessed this week.

(And it’s only Tuesday.)

Love hurts when he sees the fan service smile plastered around school.  
And love hurts less when Oikawa pouts at the mustaches drawn over his posters around school as per courtesy of their resident trouble maker duo.

Love hurts a hell lot when Oikawa’s right foot touches the gym floor at practice one day and his right eyebrow wrinkles just the tiniest bit yet it must have hurt none the less and _that idiot is pushing himself again._

Love hurts less when he gets to lecture Oikawa about his health and sports injuries and his shitty personality in general and Oikawa sulks like the big baby he is.

Love hurts when Oikawa smiles appreciatively at Iwaizumi as he applies ice over the slightly swollen knee.  
Love doesn’t remember to hurt when Oikawa releases a small sigh of relief as the swelling becomes smaller.

Love hurts when Oikawa looks at him just like this.

Love hurts like hell whenever Oikawa cries. Just like their final high school volleyball match.  
Love numbs down again when they accept their past and move towards the future.

  
So maybe love doesn’t hurt all the time.

Probably.

Iwaizumi is pretty sure he might choose literature out of spite just to write poetry in college. But then again he’d suck majorly at it.

( _The muse of his nonexistent poems is currently whining a lot of Iwa-chans and demanding milk buns though._

_How annoying._

_He gets two milk buns on their way home.)_

* * *

_My heart is so full of you_

_I can hardly call it my own._

_— Liana Rãdulescu —_

* * *

Some days love is simply just a hard pill to swallow.

Especially knowing the object of his affections doesn’t return his feelings is one thing.

Holding feeling for his same gender best friend since childhood is another big thing.

It isn’t that Iwaizumi isn’t aware of queer people and the lives they lead, but in a local community as small as Miyagi, such things are not uncommon but not exactly socially acceptable either.  
  
Iwaizumi thinks his first love is doomed anyway. Just his rotten luck that he have to fall for a guy too.

And _just like that_ , he thinks to himself, watching with little interest as Oikawa harasses Kyotani about his receives again, absentmindedly looking at this good looking asshole with his 2 hour long hair do and weird 14 step Korean skin care regimes and beautiful lean muscles with shitty personality with baseless ego and terrible fashion sense and a giant heart with fragile self esteem and big dreams and rowdy habits, Iwaizumi sighs again.

> _  
> Just like that, I’ve fallen for you again._
> 
> _To be fair though, I think there wasn’t a time I wasn’t in love with you from the start._
> 
> * * *

As a kid, things were pretty simple. They liked each other enough so they played together.

Simple as fuck.

They fight when they don’t agree and they make up when they don’t want to fight each other anymore.

Out of all the kids at the playground,Iwaizumi just had to pick up the most annoying and loneliest looking crybaby in all of Miyagi.

And he had almost never regretted everything they’ve done together.

Almost? Maybe except for the time they tried jumping from the top of the trees. Broken bones are something quite memorable after all.

* * *

And then there are some peculiar days.

Peculiar and also very out of ordinary because these days are some of the most ordinary days from his life.

The most unordinary thing about these kinds of days will have to be his weightlessness of his feelings, he supposes.

Because these days are the days he dare say love doesn’t hurt at all.

Love usually feels like the uneasiness of swallowing down the massive tidal wave of emotions threatening to overflow.

And then again, some other days, love is the easiest thing.  
It was simply just as easy as breathing.

He was simply enjoying the day and the company too much to be reminded of his dilemma. That even he can forget his troubles for a while.

That’s why these days are counted as miracles, he muses.

He raises a eyebrow as Oikawa and Hanamaki and Matsukawa aka their rowdy third year squad makes plans for to visit the beach on a free weekend, shouting crap cheerfully at their usual spot in class.  
  
“Snails! Makki, snails.” Oikawa states confidently.  
“No, Oikawa you’re dead wrong with this one. It’s the seashell phenomenon.” Matsukawa disagrees easily.  
“I thought it was just the mermaids just up till now.” Hanamaki looks out of the window, chewing on his straw of juice box out of habit.

Iwaizumi sighs as he sits down in his seat,”I don’t even want to know what’s going on.”  
As Hanamaki and Matsukawa animatedly retell their conspiracy theories they read online,Oikawa becomes oddly quiet, not quite meeting anyone’s eyes.

“And that’s how mermaids poop!” Hanamaki grins proudly as he finishes as Matsukawa nods sagely.  
Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, not bothering with a response, instinctively punches down the nagging emotion of _something is bothering Oikawa I should do something nice to distract him_ then he blurts out,”Oi, Shittykawa. We’re gonna get the barbecue stuff after school.”

“We are?” Oikawa replies with a puzzled blink since they haven’t even discussed about food yet.

“What about the girl that confessed to you this week, Iwaizumi? Is she tagging along?” Matsukawa teases with a lazy smirk.

Iwaizumi scoffs and crosses his arms,”She was just interested in my biceps. Not my heart.” Just like that, laughter booms at the small table, even from Oikawa this time.

It has been an open joke about his muscles since he’s the reigning arm wrestling champion at school and everybody jokes about his biceps being his most attractive trait rather than his face, unlike _someone else_ from their club.  
He doesn’t think too much of it, knowing nobody isn’t too bothered by it anyway.  
  
(He doesn’t notice how Oikawa never once teases him about his arms or even teasingly touch them like his teammates.)

(Oikawa is too busy blushing to even joke about it,as Makki and Mattsun sniggers in the background.)

They finally make plans to do barbecue at the beach and play some beach volleyball because why not?

None of them talks about the departure of Oikawa and Iwaizumi to other countries just a mere 3 weeks away. 

* * *

_  
You._

_You are my good days._

_— f.d.soul —_

* * *

Iwaizumi thought to himself. _Not today_.

Today has been a great day so far, even with all the summer heat hitting up the 40s and smoke literally rising from pavements. It’s the most fun he’s had in a while.  
 _Not today_.

He won’t be wallowing in his miserable feelings today. He won’t be dragged down by something as heavy as his feelings for his best friend.  
 _Not today_.

The beach is too nice and crowded to feel miserable anyway.

  
“Iwa-chan, save me!!!!!!!”

“You guys are the ones who talked about mermaid poop and all, why don’t you try a bit harder at snorkeling?”

“Meanie!!!!!”

“Iwaizumi, I might actually die this time. “Then die free,Makki. Die a free man.” “Noooooooooooooo.”

“Nice one, Iwaizumi. I’ve found new respect for you.” “You’re a good man, Mattsun.”

“Stop acting out weird J dramas on the beach you two!!”

Eventually the sunsets and everything winds down and everyone begins packing up and heading home apart from a few bonfires and couples here and there.

The snorkeling team is utterly spent though, lying like starfishes in the sand. 

“Hey.” Oikawa groans.

”Hey.” Iwaizumi greets back.

“We should clean up too.” Matsukawa stage whispers.

“I know.” Hanamaki loudly whispers back.

“Why aren’t you.” Oikawa asks with a leer.

“Why aren’t you too.” Hanamaki glares pointedly.

“I’m not asking.” Oikawa replies breezily.

“Then why?” Hanamaki counters just as easily.

“Dammit Oikawa.” Iwaizumi growls and throws a fistful of sand at him.

Oikawa lets out a surprise laugh. “What! Iwa-chan is the mom friend of this group! Be nice to your friends!”

Matsukawa chuckles, “If he’s the mom, then I’m the dad.” He fingerguns Hanamaki who copies the finger guns, _oh god_. “Makki is the mistress of the family who lives in a different city.”

Oikawa squawks indignantly,”What about me?! I’m the captain so I should be the dad of the family! Iwa-chan,back me up!”

“You’re obviously the precious baby bum in this imaginary family, you know why?”

Iwaizumi gives a mischievous smile at the other’s pout,”Cause you shit yourself. Shittykawa fits you fine.”

“Why are you guys like this?” Oikawa wails dramatically, even putting a delicate hand on his head striking a pose. “Why must you break your captain’s fragile heart this way.”

“Because we love you.” Matsukawa deadpans.

“Ex-captain but we still love you.” Hanamaki wiggles his eyebrows.

“And because love hurts.” It was a bit too close to home but nothing can bring his mood down now as Iwaizumi grins cheekily and pushes Oikawa’s head into the sand.

The so called ex-captain complains about the “tough love” which makes the other three laugh at him like a bunch of kindergartens. “We’re laughing way too loud and we’re not even drunk. This should be illegal.” Hanamaki grins over the grill.

Iwaizumi barks a laugh loudly again and feels Oikawa’s hearty chuckles warming into the darkest corners of his soul.

> _I feel blessed._
> 
> _This is enough._
> 
> _I don’t need more._
> 
> _I don’t need more._
> 
> _I don’t need more._
> 
> _..._
> 
> _Then I shouldn’t want more._
> 
> _..._
> 
> _Then I really shouldn’t cry._
> 
> _Or at least feel like I’m dying._

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea about the plot but I do have a second part coz I thought it was getting too long.  
> Tell me what you think about this though! Azazzas!!


End file.
